How Do You Forgive Someone Who Doesn’t Know That You Know They Hurt You?

Confused??? Me too! This post is seriously me asking for your advice. I would love to hear your opinions posted in the comments. 

Please note: I am not going to share the specific offense that someone (PERSON A) did because it affects another close personal relationship (PERSON B). I do not want to cause PERSON B any further heartache over this situation.

So here are the basics of the situation….

I just found out that PERSON A did something that wounded me in a very personal and emotional way. PERSON A is not someone close to me… however, the other PERSON B involved is very close to me. I have only met and interacted with PERSON A on one occasion. I thought we clicked as friends. We had an intellectual and a little bit spiritual conversation. My whole family interacted with PERSON A. We exchanged phone numbers, later exchanged texts, and friended each other on Facebook.

Tonight, PERSON B told me the offense PERSON A did over a month ago.

It hurts. It hurts badly…

As of right now, I assume that PERSON A does not know that I know what they did.

In my “FORGIVE THEM” post back in 2010, I talked about how forgiveness is more to help you heal than it is for the offender. I quoted the following from Dr. Davis’ “How To Heal A Wounded Spirit” sermon:

“If someone wounds you and walks away without doing anything to help; that does not mean that you have to lay there and die… If someone wounds you either knowingly or unknowingly and walks away; who is going to be in the worse shape 6 months from now if you don’t treat it? You or Them?”

PERSON B is directly involved and because of that I have to work through some issues with them. I will eventually come to forgive them because of how close we are and that is what needs to happen in order for that relationship to heal. I need some time to process, but forgiveness towards them WILL happen. With God’s help, I know it will.

PERSON A is not someone who I have to interact with ever again. I could delete their phone number and unfriend them on Facebook. I may never have to see or speak to them again. There is always the chance that they could call or text me but I don’t know if they would or not. There is always the chance of seeing them in public but I never have before so… I would say that the chance is slim (just not impossible). I could ignore them if we ever come in contact again.

I know that for my sake and in order to be obedient to Christ, I must eventually forgive PERSON A.

My question is: Do I let them know that I know what they did and let them know that I forgive them (when I get to the mindset of being able to do so)? ~OR~ Do I forgive them and move on without mentioning it to them?

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

(please post in the comments…)

And if you think about it, please keep me in prayer as I seek God’s wisdom in this situation. Pray for God to heal my heart and help me to forgive all of the people involved.

“Shaking hands” image found here.

Open Letter To My Friend

We all make bad choices. We all make mistakes. You are not the only one.

The choices you are making are affecting your family and friends in a negative way. You may not even know that we are aware of some of the choices you have been making. You may not care.

You have burned bridges with the people who care about you. You have pulled away from your friendships and relationships. Your friends and family now need to guard their hearts around you.

We hope for the best but see the worst. We have watched you from a distance. We have seen your Facebook posts. We have heard the rumors. We know the lies.

*****

To the friend fighting addiction, there is hope for recovery.

drug abuse “But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you have come to obey from your heart the pattern of teaching that has now claimed your allegiance. You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.” (Romans 6:17-18)

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*****

To the friend having an affair, there is restoration from adultery. 

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“Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” (Mark 10:9)

love-is-patient

*****

To the friend giving in to depression, there is joy over the horizon.

WWS-DepresSM

“…Weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.” (Psalm 30:5) 

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*****

To the friend who is always angry, there is forgiveness that will heal your wounds.

ANGER

“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Colossians 3:13) “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.” (Romans 12:19)

Forgiveness

*****

There are many people who care about you, who love you, who pray for you, and who want to see your life restored!

*****

If you are my friend and you feel like this letter is written about you, please know that the letter was written with a few different people in mind (not just one particular person). It was written as a collaborative effort with one of my friends. There is a particular friend that both of us know and are concerned about. We have been praying fervently for this friend. However, both of us have other friends who are struggling as well and who we also pray fervently for. We wanted to write out our concerns and feelings without adding to the problems our friends are facing. We felt that this would be the best way of doing that since it does not single any one person out. And because we know that everyone has at least one friend or family member that they are concerned about.

[All images found by searching Google Images.]