She’s Gonna Blow: Underground Issues (Ch.4-Part 2)

Thank you for your patience over the past few months when I took a break from this study. I know that several of you (and me too!) have been looking forward to the continuation of this book (and chapter). Please Note: Due to the length of this chapter; it is divided into two blog posts. Click here to read Part 1.

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Why do we blow up the way we do? Let’s continue with the remainder Underground Issues that may influence us as Barnhill describes them in chapter four.

4. Mounting Pressures: Cheerios Between Your Toes: There are several things that are just as annoying and frustrating as stepping on a pile of cheerios in the middle of the night.

The Family Schedule: “Most moms…seem to be incredibly busy people with…long list of places to go, things to do, and people to see.” Its no wonder why these moms and their children are wiped out after a busy day. When we allow the busyness of our schedules accumulate it adds unnecessary pressure on husbands, children & moms.

Finances: Julie quotes her friend’s father as saying. “Money isn’t important as long as you have it. When all of sudden you don’t have it–then it becomes very important.” Living pay check to pay check, supporting children, and figuring out the financial priorities for your family always adds to the daily pressure.

Discontentment and the “Shoulds”: “a feeling of discontent is almost alway a first step toward a full-blown eruption. Whenever I start thinking that I am not good enough, that someone has it better than I do, that my children don’t measure up, that my life just hasn’t turned out the way I wanted…it won’t be long before sparks begin to fly…The world should treat me better. I shouldn’t make mistakes. Other people should behave the way I want them to.” Our expectations of how things should be can create many added pressures to life.

The Problem of Inappropriate Guilt: The mothering guilt of what ever happens to our children is “my fault because I’m the mom” would be an example. We are responsible for our children and their upbringing but when the guilt of not being a perfect mom overwhelms us it adds to the pressure.

Anger at People Who Are Not Your Kids: “Yes–we do let our anger toward our husbands [bosses, mothers, etc.] get misdirected toward our children, who happen to be handy and rather defenseless targets…The longer we go along with unresolved anger toward anyone, the more likely we are to unfairly unleash that anger on…our children.”

5. Your Precious Little (or Big!) Trigger Points: CHILDREN! “I have come to believe that in most cases the immediate cause of angry explosions is…well, a child…What is it about our children that sets us off so easily?”

The Things They Do: “In the deepest part of our mother brain, we know that “kids will be kids,” that it’s normal and even healthy for them to make mistakes and act immature and even get themselves into trouble. Yet, those moments when they do just that can trigger such frustration–and lead to volcanic responses from us.” Disobedience which leads to injury, tantrums at scheduled nap times, disrespectful attitudes, fighting with siblings, etc. are all among the list.

The Things They Say: The continuous shouting of “Mom!,” a smart-aleck remark, an argument, a debate, a complaint, etc. all have a way of scraping at our nerves. “There are so many ways our children communicate to us that can trigger potential eruptions, from the first “waaaaa” of infancy through the “whys” of toddlerhood and on into the innocent or defiant “whats” of later childhood and adolescence. The real trick is learning to listen past all those annoying communications and hear the real message behind them, which is “Mom, I love you and I need you.” If we could hear that every time, we could reduce a lot of the pressure potential in what our children say!”

The Way They Are: Do you have a strong willed, high-spirited, self-determined, independent child? Do you have a quiet, detail oriented, emotional child? Do you think any of your children need to be fixed? Slow Down! instead of speeding up, Eat More Slowly! instead of gobbling, Use Indoor Voice! instead of talking loudly, Quit Wiggling! instead of moving constantly, Stop Crying!, Stop Whining!, the list goes on. How many of YOUR strengths and weaknesses do you see in your children? Barnhill quotes a speaker as saying, ” God did not give you your son [or daughter] so you could ‘fix’ him or whip him into shape. God gave you your son [or daughter] to make you more like Jesus.”

Lately, my “Cheerios” have included frustration over our schedules and finances. As some of you may know, I have been trying to homeschool my soon to be 4 year old who has no attention span for school or anything else. I am not very consistent so it make it worse and my husband’s constantly changing work schedule doesn’t help either. Also, in the past 2 weeks, everyone in the household being sick with stomach bugs. Last week, the girls and my husband had a 24 hour stomach bug separately on 3 consecutive days. I got it earlier this week then the girls got a new bug and have been sick for the past 3 days. After 2 weeks of being the one who gets up in the middle of the night to clean the vomit and diarrhea off of children, clothes, beds, and floors–it is no surprise that I caught the second bug too. Equally as frustrating is, again, my husband’s work schedule which causes him to be at work or sleeping during the times I need his help. As far as finances go, we don’t have extra money since coming back to the US because we are getting paid less than we were overseas. Wondering if the savings money we have been dipping into will last until Shane makes rank and we get our tax refund is definitely pressure in our house.

Barnhill points out that “Doctors have noted that children tend to throw temper tantrums for the following reasons: ~They are angry or frustrated because they can’t have something they want. ~They want to get what they want by themselves. ~They want attention. ~They are tired, hungry, or irritable.” How many times are these the reasons why I am blowing up? Pretty often! I think that I need to focus my attention on myself sometimes instead of throwing my frustrations on my children for having the same emotions I do. We all need grace. God is always faithful to extend his grace to me; I need to learn how to extend it to my children sometimes.

Do you have a close friend, spouse, or counselor whom you can share your struggles with? I have been doing the She’s Gonna Blow study with a couple of close friends. We read the chapters then e-mail each other our responses to the questions. We pray for and encourage each other frequently. If you do not, I encourage you to find someone who is willing to hold you accountable with your anger. The more I get angry, the more I get angry at myself for getting angry. Sometimes having someone that I can call to let them know I blew up (again) and then have them pray for me is the best way to move towards healing.

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Order at Christian Book Distributors through the following link!

I get credit for all purchases made through my CBD links!

She’s Gonna Blow: Real Help for Moms Dealing with Anger

By Julie Ann Barnhill / Harvest House Publishers

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I would love to hear your thoughts and stories if you have ever dealt with anger in your life!

Please feel free to comment on my posts and/or e-mail me at:  hearttreasurescontact@yahoo.com

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You can find links to all posts in this series on the Anger Series Index page.

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Family Tree

Have you ever heard a song that totally speaks to your heart and feels like it was written just for you? This has happened several times to me (see here & here for a couple of those songs in my life). Sometimes it is a song that speaks to you for a season–when you are going through a crisis and need encouragement or when something amazing happens and you are full of joy. Other times these songs speak to your life in general and become life-songs.

I am blessed to be apart of a small accountability group of friends who discuss, encourage, pray, etc. about our issues with anger. A couple of weeks ago we were all discouraged because even though we have been working on our anger for about a year (or more) we are not seeing much progress. There are times when all of us seem to fail miserably in this area. We were also talking about our families. Each of us have a parent (or two) who had an anger problem while we were growing up. Our parents were our example. What we experienced growing up became our “normal” and that is what we mimic as adults. Most of us with anger problems will find that anger has been passed down several generations. Is that a good excuse for continuing in our anger? NO! Absolutely not! Nevertheless, after witnessing and forming bad habits for years and years, we now have to unlearn those habits and replace them with good ones (this concept could apply to other types of addiction and/or bad habits as well). Many times those of us who had some sort of dysfunction in our families feel like we are doomed to carry on that dysfunction. This, of course, is not true! In Christ we have been made new!

“…If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation;

the old has gone, the new has come!” 2 Corinthians 5:17

We can be the one who stops the dysfunction in order to create a new legacy for our children and grandchildren! Praise God!

So, how are you going to change your family tree?

I had never heard of Matthew West until I moved back to the USA where we have Christian radio. His new CD just came out and I got it after hearing the story behind the music on the radio. He wrote songs based on personal stories of some of his fans. The whole CD (The Story Of Your Life) is really good and I HIGHLY recommend it but this song really speaks to what my accountability friends and I have been struggling with lately. It speaks to me because of other family disfunction/history also.

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Family Tree

By: Matthew West

You didn’t ask for this
Nobody ever would
Caught in the middle of this dysfunction
It’s your sad reality
It’s your messed up family tree
And all your left with all these questions

Are you gonna be like your father was and his father was?
Do you have to carry what they’ve handed down?

No, this is not your legacy
This is not your destiny
Yesterday does not define you
No, this is not your legacy
This is not your meant to be
I can break the chains that bind you

I have a dream for you
It’s better than where you’ve been
It’s bigger than your imagination
You’re gonna find real love
And you’re gonna hold your kids
You’ll change the course of generations

No, this is not your legacy
This is not your destiny
Yesterday does not define you
No, this is not your legacy
This is not your meant to be
I can break the chains that bind you

Cause you’re my child
You’re my chosen
You are loved
You are loved

And I will restore
All that was broken
You are loved
You are loved

And just like the seasons change
Winter into spring
You’re brining new life to your family tree now
Yes you are
You are

No, this will be your legacy
This will be your destiny
Yesterday did not define you
No, this will be your legacy
This will be your meant to be
I can break the chains that bind you

And just like the seasons change
Winter into spring
You’re brining new life to your family tree now

Order at Christian Book Distributors through the following link!

I get credit for all purchases made through my CBD links!

The Story of Your Life CD

By Matthew West / Sparrow Records

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I would love to hear your thoughts and stories if you have ever dealt with anger in your life!

Please feel free to comment on my posts and/or e-mail me at: hearttreasurescontact@yahoo.com

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You can find links to all posts in this series on the Anger Series Index page.

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She’s Gonna Blow: Underground Issues (Ch.4-Part 1)

Please Note: Due to the length of this chapter; it is divided into two blog posts. Click here to read Part 2.

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Why do we blow up the way we do? Barnhill describes some of the Underground Issues that may influence us in chapter four.

1. Down Deep: Like a volcano we all have a “mantle” (“where the heat and pressure are strong enough to bring rock to the melting point”). Issues include “what we were born with and what has happened to us in the past.” On top of that we have every day stressors: schedules, finances, relationships, and our roles as women, mothers, wives, & workers. Then we have trigger points which for most moms can include our children (who either intentionally or unintentionally find our weak spots).

2. Pressures From The Past: In the beginning of this section, Julie Ann describes painful memories (and lack of memories) of her pre-adoption life as well as a confrontation that occurred after she was adopted that forced her to face the past. “Chances are, your anger toward your children has its deepest roots in underground issues from your past. Any traumas you experience in your early years–a divorce, a sibling’s illness or death, or just painful misunderstandings–are sure to play a significant role in your own family further down the road of life. And if you were abused, the stakes get even higher.”

3. Pressures From Within: These include our physical makeup, our temperament, and our thought processes. Some of these are natural and others are learned. Being a woman adds other pressures such as PMS, pregnancy, & menopause which all “have the ability to affect the way she responds to her children” or husband. These pressures should not be excuses for bad behavior and angry blow ups. But, “the more we can understand ourselves and make adjustments in the area of our weaknesses, the more effective we will be as mothers” and wives.

I was raised in a Christian but very dysfunctional family. As the oldest of 4 kids I had to grow up way too quickly while we dealt with severe illnesses, divorce, remarriages, constant moves, financial insecurity, and a whole lot more. Both of my parents were constantly angry and yelled a lot; either at each other or at us kids. I swore that I would not be angry like them with my children but I am. My mom was very good at encouraging us to pray and read scripture. She often posted scripture around the house which is something that I do as well. I continually turn to prayer after I have an angry blow up.

I tend to react according to the amount of sleep I get. I am a light sleeper so almost anything will wake me up in the middle of the night. I do my best work at night (after the kids go to bed) so I tend to stay up late. I get my best sleep in the morning hours. Unfortunately, when Shane goes to work I have to get up with the girls and end up loosing my prime sleeping time. When Shane is home in the mornings I try to catch up on sleep. I also try not to make my schedule super busy throughout the day so that I don’t add to my fatigue.

Barnhill asks the question: “Do you have any anger about the way God made you?” In a way I think that I do. I don’t understand why he has not healed me from this. I know that he wants me to conquer my anger but it is hard for me to see how he is helping me change (with the exception of making me aware of how bad it is). This has been a continual battle for me.

Chapter 4 continues in Part 2.

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Order at Christian Book Distributors through the following link!

I get credit for all purchases made through my CBD links!

She’s Gonna Blow: Real Help for Moms Dealing with Anger

By Julie Ann Barnhill / Harvest House Publishers

*****

I would love to hear your thoughts and stories if you have ever dealt with anger in your life!

Please feel free to comment on my posts and/or e-mail me at:  hearttreasurescontact@yahoo.com

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You can find links to all posts in this series on the Anger Series Index page.

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Blog Updates!

Congratulations Fiona & James on the birth of Lilian Angela!!! Lily was born 4:53am on Friday, August 13th. You may remember that I featured Fiona as a guest writer during my Mother’s Day series. She described her experiences as a first time pregnant mom (“mum”-in Australian). If you missed her post; check it out here. Next step is trying to convince her to write about her first few weeks of motherhood 🙂

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The Countdown has ended and we have arrived in North Dakota! God has blessed us from the moment we arrived (more on that soon)! We are in a new home but we are still waiting on all of our belongings to travel here from Japan. We have been told that our express shipment with all of our clothes, all of our kitchen, homeschooling materials, and the girl’s beds will arrive next week. Of course we were originally told that they would arrive this week…so we shall see 🙂 The large shipment which has all of our furniture and everything else could take up to November to get here. I am praying that it arrives much sooner! In the meantime, we are living on borrowed air mattresses and minimal kitchen supplies along with what we packed in our suitcases. We have bought a few things that we know are not coming in shipments but without the furniture our house is mostly empty. Shane’s parents are coming for a visit tomorrow and staying for a week. Hopefully they won’t be bored out of their mind!

My biggest concern about moving here was the climate…and yes it has been a shock! The first day here it was ND’s hottest day (upper 90’s) of the summer which was perfect for us; but it went downhill from there. We are now in the 70’s in durning the day and lower at night. I have already turned on the heat and don’t plan to turn it off any time soon. I have collected basic items such as candles, flashlights, batteries, etc. in case of a power outage this winter. We still need to stock up on can goods and extra water though.

If you missed my posts about our moving journey before arriving to ND check out the following: “You Are God Alone”The Countdown BeginsThe Countdown Continues.

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The Anger Series will continue soon (now that we have internet in our home and are starting to get into a normal routine). If you have not already; be sure to catch up with the previous posts in the series which are all listed here.

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I look forward to getting back into the blogging routine! I’ve missed being at my computer!

She’s Gonna Blow: Warning Signs (Ch. 3)

In chapter 3, Warning Signs, Julie Ann Barnhill discusses “How to Know When You’re Gonna Blow.”

“There are warning signs and signals for just about everything that can be potentially dangerous. Train whistles and crossing lights caution motorists to slow down and be observant. Tornado sirens drone loudly… However, unless you’re trained to recognize these warning signs, they are ineffective in helping you remain safe and protected. You have to know the warning signs that spell imminent danger–especially when you’re the one in danger of exploding in anger.”

Warning Sign #1: Swarms of Smaller Earthquakes

The author talks about everyday things and chores which may not cause an explosion themselves but together they build up until the explosion finally happens. She says that “…hours before Mount Saint Helens erupted on May 18, 1980, hundreds of small earthquakes were recorded in the state of Washington…”

Laundry Room Rumbles: Piles of laundry all needing to be washed, dried, folded, and put away.

Kitchen Quakes: Crusty dishes, crumbs on counter, spills on the floor, etc.

Technology Tremors: Loosing reports before they were saved on the computer, messing with vacuums or other appliances that won’t work, etc.

Workplace Woes: Dealing with supervisors, stressors, and pressures at work before going home.

These are some but definately not all of the possible “earthquakes” that could be present any given day. Barnhill suggests finding a way to put visual stressors (such as the piles of laundry) “out of sight until you can do something about them.” She also suggests reflecting on Jonah and his complaining when he should have been thanking God. “Instead of fretting over the problem, try thanking God for the gift of the computer or the washing machine, which has saved you so much trouble in the past. A little perspective and a little gratitude can really help you keep your cool!”

My main “earthquakes” include:

~ When my girls are getting into or doing something that they know they are not supposed to do (as in they have been told repeatedly and disciplined for it in the past)

~When my girls argue, fight, hurt each other, don’t share, etc

~When things do not go as planned

~Lack of sleep

Warning Sign #2: Sulfur Dioxide Emissions

“As a volcano nears eruption it will release toxic gases that can endanger human life and health.” Here she discusses body language and speech such as: angry retorts, sarcasm, and little barbs. She recognized the toxicity of her speech when her son started to repeat her facial expressions and speech.

I would like to add swearing to the list. I find it absolutely insulting and rude when I hear others swear around me or at me. Yet, it is a habit that in today’s culture is generally socially acceptable. Although there was a time where I would never swear; over the years certain words became habits. Not in everyday language but when I am angry or I hurt myself it is easy for me to say them. This is one habit that I definitely do not want my girls to pick up.

Warning Sign #3: Physical Swelling of the Slope

“As a volcano nears eruption, its sides will start puffing out from the pressure inside… It simply doesn’t look right–and experts know that funny appearance spells trouble.” The author goes on to describe a story where her anger became visibly apparent to everyone around. Her husband saw the warning sign and did what he could to calm the situation.

When I am starting to get angry; I feel like I am boiling inside. I am pretty sure that my face gets red and my eyes show intense fury. My mom has always said that my face generally says it all before I speak. You know the saying, “If looks could kill…” I generally feel like I have been attacked in some way (Shane says or does the wrong thing, Kendal refuses to obey, Audrey is screaming because she doesn’t want a nap, etc.).

One thing that I have been doing (mainly within the past month) to keep me from exploding is listening to praise music. For some reason the calm worship music helps to keep me more relaxed and peaceful. I can’t say that it 100% has stopped me from exploding but I can say that the explosions are few when I have the music playing in the background. This may work for me because I sing along with the music which keeps me in a worship mindset. I am relaxed so it takes longer to get me to the point of blown out anger.

At the end of this chapter, Barnhill suggests that after an explosion happens to stop and write down what happened right before the explosion. This may help you recognize triggers to your anger so that you can avoid those triggers in the future. I have slowly started to do this but it has not become a habit for me yet so I often forget.

What are your personal warning signs and what things have you learned to do to help diffuse your explosions before they happen?

(P.S. this question is NOT rhetorical! I really would love to hear what others do so that maybe I can learn some more tips to incorporate into my life.)

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Order at Christian Book Distributors through the following link!

I get credit for all purchases made through my CBD links!

She’s Gonna Blow: Real Help for Moms Dealing with Anger

By Julie Ann Barnhill / Harvest House Publishers

*****

I would love to hear your thoughts and stories if you have ever dealt with anger in your life!

Please feel free to comment on my posts and/or e-mail me at:  hearttreasurescontact@yahoo.com

*****

You can find links to all posts in this series on the Anger Series Index page.

lgsquare

Freedom From the Spirit of Anger-Part 2

To recap; here are the main outline points from yesterday (See Freedom From the Spirit of Anger-Part 1 for more on each point):

1. The Bible mentions both personal and impersonal spirits.

2. We must “try” the spirits coming from our and other people’s spirits to make sure they are of God.

3. There is a great possibility that we may not realize it when our spirit is putting off the wrong spirit.

4. Victory in the area of the spirit others sense coming from you is more important than victory in the area of actions others see you doing.

5. There is no Biblical justification for either anger or a spirit of anger.

Continuing the sermon Freedom From the Spirit of Anger by Dr. S. M. Davis; we finally address a couple of the statements that Christians often use to justify their anger.

Two questions that are commonly asked by people who defend anger are:

1. “But didn’t Jesus get angry?”

  • The following words occur a total of 584 time in the Bible: Anger, Angry, Wrath, Wroth, Fury, Furious, & Indignation. 470 of those times (80%) appear to be God’s wrath (Numbers 11:10, Joshua 7:1, 2 Samuel 6, 1 Kings 14:15, 1 Kings 16:33, Isaiah 30:27, etc.)
  • The only time that the Bible says that Jesus used anger was in Mark 3:5: “He looked around at them in anger and, deeply distressed at their stubborn hearts, said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” He stretched it out, and his hand was completely restored.”
  • Jesus seemed to get angry most at hypocrisy. Twice Jesus seemed to be angry when he cleansed the temple (John 2:12-25Matthew 21:12-17). Jesus seemed to get angry at the Pharisees in Matthew 23.
  • Isn’t Jesus our example? In most areas; yes he is our example. But there are a couple of things that Jesus did; that if we are wise, we probably won’t try:

1. Jesus, in a weakened state after 40 days of fasting was lead directly in the presence of Satan to be tempted. Jesus proved that He is God; we would probably prove that we are not God. Only two chapters later (Matthew 6:13) Jesus said that we should pray “lead us not into temptation” The best way to deal with temptation is to stay away from it.

2. Another thing that Jesus did that we should not do; is use anger. God’s anger is spiritual and produces justice. Man’s anger is carnal and produces injustice. God can righteously get angry; and then righteously take action that man cannot righteously take because man isn’t God.

  • The purpose of wrath is vengeance. “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.” Romans 12:19 (KJV)
    • Vengeance is not given to us. Ezekiel 24:7-8
    • If a parent spanks a child while angry; he has not disciplined the child. He is carrying out vengeance upon the child. He violates Genesis 18:19, Luke 1:17 which require that a parent be just. This can easily cause a child to be disobedient or rebellious.
    • When a man is defending his family he needs courage and discernment not anger. Angry people act out of rage instead of reason.
    • Anyone who says anything in anger will probably say the wrong thing. But if they do say the the right thing; it will probably be said the wrong way. (Proverbs 14:17)

  • What are the results of an angry spirit in the pulpit?
    • Continual strife among pastor and deacons, pastor and people, and people and people.
    • Empty pews and people going to churches that don’t preach the Bible.
    • A plague of anger is spread throughout homes, businesses, and society
      • “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared.” Proverbs 22:24-25
    • Vengeance is being handled by someone not Biblically qualified to handle it.
    • It causes us to lose the battle to spread God’s truth among the nations of the world.
      • The fruit of the spirit is most powerful when it is presented with the fruit of the spirit; not anger. (Love, Joy, Peace, Long suffering, Gentleness, Goodness, Faith, Meekness, and Temperance).

2. “How about the verse that says, “be ye angry and sin not?” Ephesians 4:26 (KJV)

  • Notice first the number of clear scriptures that say to get rid of anger completely. One of them being only 5 verses away.
  • Notice secondly that the Greek verb tense for “Be ye angry” is a present-passive imperative.
    1. Present = Now
    2. Passive = You are being acted upon
    3. Imperative = Command
    • Meaning= There are going to be times when you feel something or someone working on you to make you angry. Recognize that! Don’t let it happen. Don’t sin by getting angry.
  • You may not be able to stop the initial emotion you feel that leads you into the sin of anger. But you can with God’s help; refuse to be angry, to express anger itself, or allow anger to deepen and turn into wrath.
  • The problem with the world’s reasoning that its okay to get angry:
    • Anger is not something you can properly control. You can’t have “a little bit” of anger. You cannot have a little adultery, a little idolatry, a little murder, or a little anger.
    • The world’s reasoning about controlling anger causes us to miss God’s way to control anger.
      • ” It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.” Proverbs 21:19 (KJV)

 

10 Steps to Conquer the Spirit of Anger

  1. Recognize the problem and its seriousness.
  2. Desire the victory enough to cry out to God.
  3. Repent of the sin.
  4. Confess the sin of fore-fathers and ask God to break any curses coming down the generations.
  5. Ask God to take back the ground Satan has taken because of anger.
  6. See the connection between anger and lust in Matthew 5:21-32.
  7. Watch for people and things that are gong to come your way to make you angry.
  8. Purpose to enter the presence of family members and business associates with praise.
  9. Ask God daily to fill you with the Holy Spirit and to produce the fruit of the Holy Spirit in your life.
  10. Make yourself fully accountable.

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This sermon (both Parts 1 & 2) caused me to completely change my views on anger. For most of my life; I believed that I had every right to be angry for the bad things that have happened in my life. I used the exact arguments that Dr. Davis addresses in this sermon to justify my anger. I said to myself (and others), “Jesus got angry so it must be okay.” I most often am told that it is okay to have “righteous anger,” or “anger is not a sin but what you do when you get angry can be sin,” “you have to release your anger in a healthy way,” etc. I lived and believed these statements and I never stopped being angry! I never got over my anger so it turned into bitterness (I will address a sermon on bitterness in the near future). And now I am the wife and mom who is angry and bitter.

Only by God’s grace did I recognize the ugliness my heart and only through His power am I slowly changing. I started to look at my anger as sin. So now I know that I am wrong and that I need God’s forgiveness every time I get angry. I am not judging anyone else to determine if anger is sin for everyone. Maybe it isn’t; I don’t know. That is between each person and God. I just know that God’s Word spoke to me on a whole new level when I heard the message of this sermon. It wasn’t until I started facing my anger as sin and stopped justifying that I began to really dealing with my problems with anger. Don’t get me wrong. I still have a long way to go. I still have to break all of my bad habits and start replacing them with new ones. This is still a daily struggle for me but God is the Potter and I am the clay. He is still molding me and making me into the woman that He sees in the completed picture.

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Freedom From The Spirit Of Anger by: Dr. S. M. Davis

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I would love to hear your thoughts and stories if you have ever dealt with anger in your life!

Please feel free to comment on my posts and/or e-mail me at:  hearttreasurescontact@yahoo.com

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You can find links to all posts in this series on the Anger Series Index page.

Image found on Google Images.

Freedom From the Spirit of Anger-Part 1

The second sermon in Dr. S. M. Davis’ Anger Series is Freedom From the Spirit of Anger. In it he responds to the statements most often used to justify anger. So that I don’t make this post too long I have divided the sermon into two posts. The Part 2 will address the statements: Jesus got angry or Ephesians 4:26 “In your anger do not sin…”  Click Freedom From the Spirit of Anger-Part 2 for the second installment and my personal comments on this sermon. (The outline and information here are my notes from the sermon. A lot of it is directly quoted.)

“And it came to pass, when the time was come that he should be received up, he steadfastly set his face to go to Jerusalem, And sent messengers before his face: and they went, and entered into a village of the Samaritans, to make ready for him. And they did not receive him, because his face was as though he would go to Jerusalem. And when his disciples James and John saw this, they said, Lord, wilt thou that we command fire to come down from heaven, and consume them, even as Elias did? But he turned, and rebuked them, and said, Ye know not what manner of spirit ye are of. For the Son of man is not come to destroy men’s lives, but to save them. And they went to another village.” Luke 9:51-56 (KJV)

“Ye know not what manner of spirit ye are of” means you don’t realize the spirit coming from you; the spirit that your spirit is putting off, emitting, or revealing.

1. The Bible mentions both personal and impersonal spirits.

  • Spirit “pneuma”=Holy Spirit, Evil spirits, or Other spirits. There is a difference between:
    1. Your spirit
    2. Good & bad spirits (whether personal or impersonal) that affect your spirit
    3. The spirit that others sense coming from your spirit.

2. We must “try” the spirits coming from our and other people’s spirits to make sure they are of God.

  • “Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world.” 1 John 4:1

3. There is a great possibility that we may not realize it when our spirit is putting off the wrong spirit.

  • “All the ways of a man are clean in his own eyes; but the LORD weigheth the spirits.” Proverbs 16:2 (KJV)
  • “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” Matthew 7:3
    • It is easy to see our wife’s (husband’s) lack of respect; yet not see the beam of our own anger.
    • It is easy to see our children’s disobedience or stubbornness; yet not see the beam of our own wrath.
  • Do your parent’s or grandparents have a problem with anger? Anger is often like a family curse that is passed from generation to generation.
  • An angry spirit manifests itself in a harshness that keeps those around us on edge. It cuts back on a person’s life potential. An angry spirit causes people to be afraid to be around you. Not the fearful respect that accompanies any strong leader. Instead this is a wrong sense of fear that is caused by the unpredictability of a man or woman with an angry spirit.
  • The spirit of anger is the very opposite of the spirit of Christ; which is the spirit of meekness and gentleness.

4. Victory in the area of the spirit others sense coming from you is more important than victory in the area of actions others see you doing.

  • It is easy to be deceived in this area and feel that you are fine; because you obey the letter of the law but disobey the spirit of the law.
    • “But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law.” Galatians 5:18
    • “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cummin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former.” Matthew 23:23
  • It is more important to have victory over the spirit of anger than the outward manifestations of anger. Where there is victory in the spirit; there is far more likely to be victory in the outward manifestations. Deal with the attitude toward anger and the action won’t be as likely to be a problem.
  • Step away; not just from anger but from getting angry.
    • “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,” James 1:19

5. There is no Biblical justification for either anger or a spirit of anger.

  • A typical Christian’s attitude toward anger is that there is a place for anger, it can be a useful tool in the right setting or circumstance, it releases tension, there is always a need for righteous indignation. All that matters is what the Bible says.
    • “Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil.” Psalm 37:8
    • “A hot-tempered man must pay the penalty; if you rescue him, you will have to do it again.” Proverbs 19:19
    • “Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?” Proverbs 27:4
    • “Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools.” Ecclesiastes 7:9 (KJV)
  • There are some things in life that you get victory over because you know you just can’t do them. The consequences for those things are far too great. There are some things that you just don’t do at your house: “Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,” Galatians 5:19-20 (KJV)
    • You don’t bring X-rated movies to your house and watch them as a family.
    • You don’t bring and idol into your living room and bow down before it.
    • You don’t bring have a witch come into your house and hold a séance.
    • And you don’t get angry in your house. “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger…be put away from you…” Ephesians 4:31
    • “But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.” Colossians 3:8
  • “Righteous Indignation” is not found in scripture. Indignation is found 4 times and is described as “great” or “fiery.” Twice it is God’s indignation and twice it is man’s indignation. The indignation of God was righteous and the indignation of man was sin.
    • Could God give his wrath to someone? If he did; he would violate his own command to let all wrath be put away from you (Ephesians 4:31).
      • There are illustrations in the Bible where it appears that someone is receiving or assuming God’s wrath. But when you see the result; you realize that man cannot handle wrath at all…even God’s wrath. (Moses, Sampson, King Saul, etc.)
      • If God gave “righteous indignation” to man; man would turn it into unrighteous indignation.

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Freedom From The Spirit Of Anger by: Dr. S. M. Davis

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I would love to hear your thoughts and stories if you have ever dealt with anger in your life!

Please feel free to comment on my posts and/or e-mail me at: hearttreasurescontact@yahoo.com

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You can find links to all posts in this series on the Anger Series Index page.

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A Woman’s Answer To Anger: Starting Down The Road From Rage (Ch. 1)

Earlier this year, I facilitated a Bible Study for women dealing with anger. We read A Woman’s Answer To Anger by: Annie Chapman and watched several sermons by: Dr. S. M. Davis over the course of the study. Chapman shares personal stories and incorporates scripture throughout her message of how to let go of anger. The study questions were really helpful for our group discussions.

In the introduction The Answer To Anger, the author shares Proverbs 10:7 “The memory of the righteous will be a blessing, but the name of the wicked will rot.” Referring to after she has passed away she asks the questions, “What will my family remember about me? What are the words they will use to describe me?” She points out that “anger can be a vicious destroyer of one’s good memory in the minds of others.” I want my children and others to remember me as someone who lived her life for Christ and strived to be a Proverbs 31 woman. A year and a half ago, they would probably have said that I am controlling, angry, and bitter. Chapman suggests that “sometimes we choose anger as an alternative to other emotions. Anger can feel more manageable than grief or sadness.” This is true for me. When I am angry I don’t feel as hurt by the person who wronged me. Instead, I can hurt them with my anger. When I cry, I feel hurt, broken, and weak. I would rather feel in control with my anger. I almost always default to anger. It isn’t until I have nothing left that I actually break down and cry it out. Although those previously mentioned adjectives could be used to describe me today; I am now actively working on my struggle with anger. I pray that in the near future those adjectives will completely be removed from my character description.

In the first chapter of the book Starting Down The Road From Rage, Chapman gives her testimony of how she came to know Christ and a little bit about her journey from anger. Then she says,

“For some of us, the road from rage may be a simple procedure, like the extraction of a tooth. The pain is real, but comparatively minimal and quickly resolved. However, for others, the healing requires much more work form hands of “The Great Physician.” And, it requires a great deal more from the patient. Seeking God to discover where the rage started, identifying the offending people who must be forgiven (or asked for forgiveness), confessing the sin to God, forsaking it, and going about the hard work of reprogramming the thought processes are all part of the procedure… But, is it easy? Absolutely not! Battling thought patterns, humbling ourselves and dying to the human pride that got us to the point of trying to live independently from God, and receiving His grace to deal with the predicament are never easy.”

I cannot remember a specific major event which started me on the anger cycle of my life. But, I can think of several things that have happened to me that caused me to respond in anger over the years. In this chapter, Chapman refers to Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” This is a wonderful reminder for me. Anything bad in my life caused by others or that I caused because of my anger; God can work together for good. He can use those things to bring glory to himself. Each of those things are just a small piece of the much bigger picture! When we recognize that important truth; then we can start to move along the path of healing.

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A Woman’s Answer To Anger has been retitled.  It is now called:

Letting Go of Anger: How to Get Your Emotions Under Control

By Annie Chapman / Harvest House Publishers

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I would love to hear your thoughts and stories if you have ever dealt with anger in your life!

Please feel free to comment on my posts and/or e-mail me at: hearttreasurescontact@yahoo.com

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You can find links to all posts in this series on the Anger Series Index page.

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