How Do You Forgive Someone Who Doesn’t Know That You Know They Hurt You?

Confused??? Me too! This post is seriously me asking for your advice. I would love to hear your opinions posted in the comments. 

Please note: I am not going to share the specific offense that someone (PERSON A) did because it affects another close personal relationship (PERSON B). I do not want to cause PERSON B any further heartache over this situation.

So here are the basics of the situation….

I just found out that PERSON A did something that wounded me in a very personal and emotional way. PERSON A is not someone close to me… however, the other PERSON B involved is very close to me. I have only met and interacted with PERSON A on one occasion. I thought we clicked as friends. We had an intellectual and a little bit spiritual conversation. My whole family interacted with PERSON A. We exchanged phone numbers, later exchanged texts, and friended each other on Facebook.

Tonight, PERSON B told me the offense PERSON A did over a month ago.

It hurts. It hurts badly…

As of right now, I assume that PERSON A does not know that I know what they did.

In my “FORGIVE THEM” post back in 2010, I talked about how forgiveness is more to help you heal than it is for the offender. I quoted the following from Dr. Davis’ “How To Heal A Wounded Spirit” sermon:

“If someone wounds you and walks away without doing anything to help; that does not mean that you have to lay there and die… If someone wounds you either knowingly or unknowingly and walks away; who is going to be in the worse shape 6 months from now if you don’t treat it? You or Them?”

PERSON B is directly involved and because of that I have to work through some issues with them. I will eventually come to forgive them because of how close we are and that is what needs to happen in order for that relationship to heal. I need some time to process, but forgiveness towards them WILL happen. With God’s help, I know it will.

PERSON A is not someone who I have to interact with ever again. I could delete their phone number and unfriend them on Facebook. I may never have to see or speak to them again. There is always the chance that they could call or text me but I don’t know if they would or not. There is always the chance of seeing them in public but I never have before so… I would say that the chance is slim (just not impossible). I could ignore them if we ever come in contact again.

I know that for my sake and in order to be obedient to Christ, I must eventually forgive PERSON A.

My question is: Do I let them know that I know what they did and let them know that I forgive them (when I get to the mindset of being able to do so)? ~OR~ Do I forgive them and move on without mentioning it to them?

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

(please post in the comments…)

And if you think about it, please keep me in prayer as I seek God’s wisdom in this situation. Pray for God to heal my heart and help me to forgive all of the people involved.

“Shaking hands” image found here.

The Painter’s Daughter

This book by Julie Klassen is about the complicated relationships between Sophia Dupont and the Overtree brothers, Stephen and Wesley. Sophie assists her painter father in his studio and pursues her own passion for art. She meets Wesley who, as an accomplished painter himself, uses her as his muse. Their friendship starts out above board but eventually she allows herself to submit to the passion building between them. When he leaves abruptly for Italy with little more than a note, she is left devastated and confused as to how to handle her situation which is sure to bring scandal to her family. Captain Stephen Overtree, meets Sophie while on a quest to locate his brother and learns of his brother’s betrayal and Sophie’s condition. He offers her a proposal of marriage to save her from scandal. Sophie accepts his proposal with little time to think of any consequences because the Captain has to soon return to battle and she could not risk waiting for whenever Wesley decided to return. Stephen and Sophie spend their honeymoon time living a facade since they were married “in name only.” When Stephen returns to battle and Wesley returns, Sophie is torn between her love for Wesley and her commitment to her marriage vows. 

I am never disappointed with Julie Klassen books and this one was no exception! The cover is beautiful! The regency setting is always a favorite of mine. The author does a great job of weaving secrets, scandal, mystery, and romance into a story. Biblical gospel is shared and discussed between some characters but not in a way that is overwhelming or intimidating to someone who is not a Christian. Themes of forgiveness, redemption, and unconditional love are carried through the story line. There are a couple of passionate scenes that were very tastefully written. I read the majority of this book in one sitting (staying awake until 2 am to finish it!) and it left me wanting to read more! I would recommend this book to anyone who loves regency era romantic fiction! 


In accordance with the Federal Trade Commission I am required to disclose that Bethany House provided this book for free in exchange for my review. I was not required to write a positive review and the opinions I have expressed are my own.

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Order at Christian Book Distributors through the following link!

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The Painter’s Daughter
By Julie Klassen / Bethany House

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Bathsheba: Reluctant Beauty

This book by Angela Hunt is a part of her Dangerous Beauty series. It alternates between the perspectives of Bathsheba and Nathan-the prophet. The Biblical story line is entwined with a fictional story line to help portray a picture of what may have taken place. The author uses culture, time, and history to enhance what we know from the Bible. Bathsheba plays an important role in history as her son falls in the line of Jesus. We see her family life, her interactions with David’s other wives and children, and over the course of the book we see her pain, humiliation, and bitterness turn to healing, forgiveness and love towards David. In the fictional story, Nathan has always been attracted to Bathsheba but after God makes it clear to him that she is not the woman who he will have as a wife, he follows the will of God. He is transported through visions and witnesses David’s lust and betrayal. Biblically, he plays an important role in the exposure of David’s sin.

I have always enjoyed reading Biblical historical fiction. I feel that knowing the culture, time, and history surrounding the stories that we read in the Bible adds understanding to scripture. However, this puts a burden on the author to carefully interweave Biblical truth with fiction assumptions and/or possibilities without distorting scripture. The author in this case, overall created a good story but I personally think that she went a little too far in some areas. I agree with her assertion that King David most likely raped Bathsheba. As a king, he could take who he wanted, when he wanted. As woman in that time, Bathsheba would have no choice but to submit to her king’s demands. We know from the Bible that David tried to cover up his sin, when Bathsheba gets pregnant, by bringing Uriah home and trying to convince him to go home to sleep with his wife. When Uriah did not do this, David had him carry his own death warrant to the General. After news of Uriah’s death, David brought Bathsheba to his household. The problem I have with the fiction in this book, is how the author portrayed Nathan. It is possible that Nathan and Bathsheba may have known each other when they were young and that he could have been attracted to her. However, there is no indication of this in scripture. Also, the author portrays Nathan as having visions where he is transported to the scenes that he is witnessing. This allows him to see the same scene that David saw on the roof as he gazed on Bathsheba and caused him to momentarily lust after her as well. I do not know how God gave the prophets of old visions but I have a hard time believing that He would purposely put Nathan in the position  that would cause him to sin (lust is equal to adultery according to Jesus in the gospel of Matthew). So for this reason, I do not care for part of Nathan’s story line that the author chose to portray. I would recommend this to anyone who likes Biblical historical fiction but only with the understanding that this as a whole is fiction and not to take the place of Biblical truths.

In accordance with the Federal Trade Commission I am required to disclose that Bethany House provided this book for free in exchange for my review. I was not required to write a positive review and the opinions I have expressed are my own.

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Order at Christian Book Distributors through the following link!

I get credit for all purchases made through my CBD links!

Bathsheba: Reluctant Beauty
By Angela Hunt / Bethany House

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On Shifting Sand

This book by Allison Pittman takes place in the Dust Bowl of Oklahoma. As drought overtakes Russ and Nola’s small town, discontentment overtakes Nola’s heart. Russ does his best to care for the few people who have remained at his church. Nola bitterly performs her motherly and pastor’s wife responsibilities. She continuously compares herself to her perfect husband and finds herself lacking and feels neglected. She also has a strained relationship with her overly critical father. A stranger comes to town and Russ invites him to live in their home. Nola immediately has an attraction that she tries to resist but she finds the temptation too strong. Nola and the stranger start to build a relationship that eventually leads to a physical encounter. Nola and Russ come to a place of acknowledging what took place and they head down the road of reconciliation, forgiveness, and grace.

This is the first book I have read by this author. The Dust Bowl was a perfect setting for this story. The dry, dusty, dirty, empty town was a metaphor for Nola’s heart and body. The theme of adulterous sin within marriage is a difficult one to undertake and often taboo to talk about. Unfortunately, it happens more than people care to admit… even in Christian marriages. I applaud the author for the way she detailed the thought process that came with the emotional attachment which lead to the physical encounter. Jesus said that if a man lusts for a woman that is not his wife, he has committed adultery in his heart. While the Nola only had a physical affair once, her heart had strayed emotionally long before the physical ever took place. I think that often this is a typical cycle of events for women since we easily attach ourselves emotionally to those who love, care, and pay attention to us. I definitely recommend this book, however, if someone has experienced the affects of sin within marriage, this book may be difficult to read. It most likely will bring up emotions related to that experience (no matter which side of the story: adulterer or spouse) but it may also enforce the hope that comes with wanting a marriage to survive even the worst of circumstances.

In accordance with the Federal Trade Commission I am required to disclose that Tyndale House provided this book for free in exchange for my review. I was not required to write a positive review and the opinions I have expressed are my own.

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Order at Christian Book Distributors through the following link!

I get credit for all purchases made through my CBD links!

On Shifting Sand

By Allison Pittman / Tyndale House

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Open Letter To My Friend

We all make bad choices. We all make mistakes. You are not the only one.

The choices you are making are affecting your family and friends in a negative way. You may not even know that we are aware of some of the choices you have been making. You may not care.

You have burned bridges with the people who care about you. You have pulled away from your friendships and relationships. Your friends and family now need to guard their hearts around you.

We hope for the best but see the worst. We have watched you from a distance. We have seen your Facebook posts. We have heard the rumors. We know the lies.

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To the friend fighting addiction, there is hope for recovery.

drug abuse “But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you have come to obey from your heart the pattern of teaching that has now claimed your allegiance. You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.” (Romans 6:17-18)

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To the friend having an affair, there is restoration from adultery. 

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“Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” (Mark 10:9)

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To the friend giving in to depression, there is joy over the horizon.

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“…Weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.” (Psalm 30:5) 

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To the friend who is always angry, there is forgiveness that will heal your wounds.

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“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Colossians 3:13) “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.” (Romans 12:19)

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There are many people who care about you, who love you, who pray for you, and who want to see your life restored!

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If you are my friend and you feel like this letter is written about you, please know that the letter was written with a few different people in mind (not just one particular person). It was written as a collaborative effort with one of my friends. There is a particular friend that both of us know and are concerned about. We have been praying fervently for this friend. However, both of us have other friends who are struggling as well and who we also pray fervently for. We wanted to write out our concerns and feelings without adding to the problems our friends are facing. We felt that this would be the best way of doing that since it does not single any one person out. And because we know that everyone has at least one friend or family member that they are concerned about.

[All images found by searching Google Images.]

My Valley

Several years ago, I shared part of my personal testimony as a Mother’s Day post (you can see original post here). A couple of weeks ago, I had an opportunity to share a devotional with my women’s Bible study group. A few days before I had to share,  I had a pretty personal conversation with Noriko that lead to me sharing my testimony with the women (most of which had not heard it before). I did make some changes from my original post but most of it is unchanged or just rearranged. I did not share all of this with Noriko [my exchange student from Japan who was with us during the 2013/2014 school year] just the parts below that I specifically mention her. So here is what I shared with my friends:

I was saved as a young child and grew up in a Christian but very dysfunctional home. As the oldest of 4 kids I had to grow up way too quickly while we dealt with severe illnesses, divorce, remarriages, constant moves, financial insecurity, and a whole lot more. When I was young; all I wanted in life was to get married and have kids. I dated several guys throughout high school and had serious relationship my senior year and after high school another serious relationship that lead to engagement. Shane and I started dating a few months after my previous engagement ended. We got married in 2002. I jumped into a marriage expecting it to cure all of life’s problems but I carried a lot of my childhood baggage with me. I quickly found out that life’s problems didn’t go away just because I switched households and who I was accountable to. We had a great first year of marriage. After that our careers (Shane-Military & Me-Nursing) and different shifts carried us in different directions and from there our marriage went downhill on so many different levels. We also experienced several difficulties which included me being in a major car accident which God totally and graciously spared my life. In February 2005; I found out that I was pregnant. I had always wanted children and was very excited. I called and told a lot of my family and friends as soon as I found out. My excitement was soon crushed with pain and bleeding. At first the doctor didn’t say for sure that I was miscarrying. But as a nurse who had worked in the OB-GYN field, I knew what was going on. In my pain and while I was still hoping for the best; I wrote the following poem:

My Valley

As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death;

You give me strength to sing.

Only you know why I am going through this trial.

I can rest in your comforting arms.

Not knowing what the future holds for this life inside of me;

I give this child to you.

Like Hannah gave you Samuel before he was born,

Like Abraham gave you Isaac before the sacrifice,

I trust your will.

When I rest upon wings as eagles;

You will give me strength.

I shall run through this valley and not be weary.

I shall walk and not be faint.

When I found out that I was pregnant again in November of 2005; I was cautious and did not let everyone know. So when I miscarried again; I did not have to explain to a lot of people who offered their congratulations like the first time. During that time and for several months after; our marriage was in turmoil because of sin that Shane and I each individually had let into our lives. We almost got divorced but during the time we were trying to reconcile we got pregnant for a third time in May of 2006. I believe that God used that pregnancy to keep us together.

We moved to Okinawa, Japan where Kendal and later Audrey was born. For seven months after Audrey was born; I dealt with medical issues including a couple of surgeries. On top of that; our family experienced another major marriage crisis and I started to fall into depression. In 2009, we left Okinawa for about a month and went home to deal with our family situation. During that experience I started to learn what it meant to fully rely on God for comfort and strength.

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In the years since then I have been allowing God to work on me in a way that I never have before that year. The biggest continuing struggle for me has been the anger and bitterness in my life. Each time I experienced a crisis it just added to the problem. I have been able to truly forgive those who have hurt me just like Jesus forgave me on the cross. And I have been able to make time to focus on my relationship with God and my family. I journey with God regularly by praying, writing, singing, and accountability and He continues to heal me on a daily basis. I have not made it to where I need to be yet; but I am daily running the race and pressing towards the goal of being more Christlike. Through everything; God has continued to bless me, my marriage, and my family as a whole.

A few days ago, Noriko (my exchange student) and I had a conversation that inspired me to share all of this with you. Keep in mind that often when we have to explain things to her we have to continuously use her translator for words or concepts she is unfamiliar with. So it is not always a quick explanation. She was asking why Americans have middle names. This led into me explaining that we often choose names based on meaning or family connection. Audrey means Noble Woman and her middle name, Lynae, pays tribute to both my mom whose middle name is Lynn and Shane’s mom who’s first name is Lynn. I told Noriko that Kendal’s name was even more meaningful and explained to her that I had lost 2 babies through miscarriage before she was born. We chose the name Kendal back during our first miscarriage based on the poem which I wrote “as I walk through the valley of death”. In one name book; the meaning for Kendal is: “Ruler of the valley.” We thought that it would be a fitting name for a baby who overcame the valley of death and lived. Noriko seemed to be in awe over all of this.

At the end of my poem I referenced my favorite Bible verses Isaiah 40:29-31 “He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

While I was Okinawa, I found a plaque that has the passage in both English and Japanese which is now hanging in our hallway. I showed it to Noriko and after she read it, I explained that when we are tired and broken and are going through things that bring us down, we put our trust in Jesus and he carries us back up so that we can fly again. In response, Noriko said that she likes Christian thinking 🙂

So in conclusion, I would like to emphasize that I give God all of the glory for continuing to work in my life through my trials. My message to all of you is God never promised that we would always be happy when we have Jesus as our Savior; instead he uses Paul’s testimony to tell us that Christians can have hardships far beyond our ability to endure.

In 2 Corinthians 1:8-11 Paul says “We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.”

Through our hardships; God wants us to fully rely on him so that he can deliver us and heal us. God wants to draw us into a closer relationship with him. He will always rescue us but sometimes it is in the midst of our hardships. He doesn’t always remove us from circumstances but allows us to go through them in order to draw us nearer to Him. And he can always use our testimonies to impact other people and draw them into His kingdom.

(Eagle Photo found here)

Blog Updates!

I just want to draw some attention to some of the new and old on this site!

  • I have started a Marriage Series! Although there is only one post so far, more will be added on a contiunous basis (like the Anger Series)!
  • This week has been my first week of homeschooling Kendal! I will be posting what we do every week (at the end of each week) so that you can follow along. Each post will contain web-links to all of the resources that I am using. Check back on Saturday to see the first in the Pre-School Homeschooling Series.
  • If you have never done so, I recommend checking out the Biblical Virtue Prayers & Scriptures. Each of these 58 virtues are important for us, our spouses, and our children to have. Try praying one or two a day over  your spouse and children. After you finish the list, start back at the beginning! If you can think of a virtue that I am missing, e-mail me with the virtue and a scripture to back it up. Then, I will be sure to add it to the list!
  • Are you raising girls? Are they enthralled with the Princess Culture? See what Psychologist Dr. James Dobson has to say about it (and my opinion): The Pretty Princess Phenomenon
  • Are you struggling with the concept of Forgiveness? How can forgiveness help to heal your wounds? Here is my forgiveness testimony: Forgive Them?

As always, THANK YOU for all of your support, comments, & feedback. I love hearing from you and I love hearing your stories! Feel free to contact me anytime!

hearttreasurescontact@yahoo.com

Image found on Google Images



Sermon Jam: “Because He Is Good”

I have been following Theologigal for a few weeks. Her latest post has a great video which sums up why I need Jesus. I encourage you to view the video and her commentary here.

“So often when Christians hear or read a call to repentance they think, “Yes, that’s so true! People have sinned! People need to repent!” But the word, “people” includes you, and before you can think of anyone else in your life who you think needs repentance you first need to think about yourself, how you have sinned, how you need to repent, before you fall into the trap of being a finger-pointing Pharisee (Matt. 7:5).”